


Leaning On Your Own Understanding

by Marashete



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Break Up, F/M, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, post Pepper/Tony breakup, the first chapter is pre Bruce/Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:37:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5769772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marashete/pseuds/Marashete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Breakups are difficult--there's always hope, but sometimes it's hard to find.<br/>Sometimes you need some help</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaning On Your Own Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> I know that's a shitty summary but I'm tired. Please enjoy!

_"If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand._  
_I hope you find out what you want. Already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, We'll start talking again. You can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old, Start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate."_

* * *

 

He thinks about ringing Pepper the same way people think about dentist appointments. He thinks about bringing her flowers, asking her how she's been, kissing her cheek as he leaves. He thinks about starting it again, about how she felt pulled real close, about ending himself before he could do something so rash.

He thinks of her hair, burning and brilliant spread across his dark pillows, the line of her lips tucked against the back of her hand, and the roundness of her cheeks flushing red and turning up to shine happiness in her eyes. He thinks of her, soft, and thinks of her, unyielding.

He thinks of her with the pills weighing his palm, and thinks of her with the burn of whiskey in his throat and thinks of her when he cries and thinks of her when he-  
When he-  
When he jumps off the roof again and  
Falls  
And  
Falls and--  
Wakes up shaking and shivering in wet sheets and pillowcases-- all he sees is the wideness of her eyes as he lost her, as she slipped between his fingers and she emerged from flame because he could not BE ENOUGH and was never, ever going to get there. He cannot escape it and curls in, in, in until everything is tight and he is pulling at his hair and screaming.  
He is  
NOTHING and she is--

He does not call her this morning, or the next. She catches his eyes at some meeting and he plays with his fingers instead of smiling. She moves on fluidly, as if it had not happened. He couldn't be sure that it had.

Everything around him when he goes home is silent, the kind of silent that hums, and he considers Church again.

He calls Bruce the next morning, high.  
The man hangs up on him when he talks about whore mothers. He supposes he deserved that. He tries again and apologizes. Bruce brings beer and gets him to drink water.

Bruce wore red, and he thinks: Well, there's a color I missed  
And Bruce smiles because he spoke out loud and pats his arm.

He can live.  
He can live.

**Author's Note:**

> The italicized words at the beginning are lyrics to The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot by Brand New.


End file.
